Capuano Tour de USA - part three

Well... It's that time again. It's time to shove all of our belongings into ziplock bags, buy so much bug repellent, and drive throughout the continental US hoping we don't get eaten by a bear.

This Sunday we head out on our annual cross-country trek that we lovingly (and annoyingly) refer to as The Capuano Family Tour de USA. The primary goal is to have so much wild, adventurous fun that our kids will look back on their childhood and realize that their parents were not just wise, loving, devoted and attractive people... But that they were also roaming wanderers who walked on the wild side by taking all their personal days at one time.

The secondary goal is to visit all of the continental United States within a few years. This will make our third trip, and should prove to be quite eventful. Here is how it all goes down: we will take our four kids (ages 2, 4, 6 and 8) tent camping for a little over 3 weeks. We give ourselves one hotel stay per week so we can shower, do laundry and re-stock our groceries. I pre-plan every meal and we cook over the fire or on our camp stove, except on the hotel night when we get to eat out! I make activity books for each kid that are action packed with destination-related material so that they learn something about each state. (Buuuut... I also throw in something ridiculous like "The Great Granny Tally of 2012" where they have to keep track of every granny they see throughout the trip.)

This year we will be doing a good portion of the Southeast. We are going to boil alive.

If heat stroke doesn't take us first, Tom is pretty sure that I am gonna get us yankees killed by challenging every confederate flag-totin' cowboy east of the Mississippi. I can't help it, I have a hard time overlooking blatant stupidity. Plus, I'm really scrappy. Tom is already planning to say a lot of "we don't want any trouble now... We'll just be on our way..."

So, other than maybe reigniting the civil war, this should be a really good time. We have some really fun things planned and unbelievably beautiful parts of the country to discover. We also have record high temperatures, wild fires, alligators and black bears to contend with. But, you know what they say... Animals are more afraid of us than we are of them. I wonder if that is also true of the guys wearing rebel flags on their belt buckles. I guess we'll find out in the coming posts...

What you can also expect from our blog this year is the return of the wildly popular feature called A.T.A.T.T. or All Tom All The Time. This was added in response to an outpouring of Tom's fans who wanted, nay, NEEDED more Tom related content, or Tomtent if you will.

We invite you to sit back and follow us on our journey. Make fun of us, pray for us, annnnd, maybe come find us if we aren't back by August 6th.

i'll have the bowl of cherries, with a side of all my baggage.


it has been way too long since my last blog. so, i am not only overdue for an update... but, after celebrating my 31st birthday this week, i am also feeling sentimental enough to review the past year.

i have been very outspoken about my feelings on turning 30.  i have had lots of hopes and dreams for my thirties, as well as goals i've set for myself.  i am one year into my thirties and i don't know that i have accomplished any of them.  sadly, this year felt less like a coming-into-my-own, year of total fabulousness, and more like that scene from The Neverending Story, where atreyu is desperately trying to pull his horse out of quick sand.  i don't know if i am atreyu, or if i am the horse, or if am somehow both.  maybe i am neither, and i really just love that movie.  either way, that huge flying dog was awesome, aaaaand this was a hard year.

it was also a great year.  below is a sort of a highlight reel from this year:

  • we started serving in the children's ministry at our church.
  • we finally joined a small group at our church.
  • i pretended to have a business, which turned into really having a business.
  • we completed all the steps of our adoption process, which means that we are just WAITING for an expectant mother to choose our family!
  • i worked hard at establishing some boundaries, and have done pretty well in actually sticking with them.  
  • annalee was one of two kids chosen from her school for a scholarship to attend a summer camp for two weeks.  she was nominated by her teacher and selected based on the fact that she "never ever lost a single "bee" for making a bad choice in the whole three years at the school."  this was a proud mommy moment!  her artwork was also selected to be on the front cover of the yearbook for the second year in a row!
  • both the girls are among the highest level readers in their classes, and harper just had his pre-k graduation ceremony.  he wore a luigi suit for the rest of the day, mustachio included.  if you saw him in the suit, you would agree that this is highlight-worthy.
  • london is daytime potty-trained.  accidents are few and far between, but asking for gummies as a potty treat is frequent and obsessive.  i am so concerned about the enamel on her teeth.  don't judge me.  i have had someone in diapers for 8 1/2 years, so just shut up so much.
  • tom and i have been married for nine years, and i think he still likes me.
  • i got tatted like the wild, unpredictable broad that i am.
  • we are planning our next big road trip for July - making this part three of our Capuano Tour de USA.
  • annalee and marlie started ballet this year, which is a dream come true for marlie especially.  she has been twirling and ballerina walking everywhere we go for years now.
  • i saw my friend have a baby.
  • we have been asked to be a part of some cool events that raise awareness about adoption.  
  • i have been able to work closely with all the kids' teachers and spend a decent amount of time in their schools.  this is my favorite part of being a stay-at-home business mogul of a mother.  
  • i have gone through some really hard times this year, and have felt so supported by my friends and family.  i know people always say that, but honestly you would be jealous if you knew how great my friends are, and how amazing my family is.
  • i am blessed. beyond. words.
now... i have no intentions of being one of those people who sends the hoity-toity christmas newsletter with all their lifetime achievements with a holly border around it.  my hilarious and talented friend sam once remarked in a christmas newsletter about her husband's receding hairline, just to be sure she didn't paint an unrealistic picture of perfection.  so, i will walk in her footsteps and i offer you: The Lowlights of 2012
  • we have no idea how long this adoption wait will be, so we will be living in a perpetual state of paper pregnancy for many months, or potentially years.  this means constantly saying things like "well, unless we have the baby by then..." and "just in case we get the call about the baby..." or "can you imagine this with one more baby?" or "how are we going to do this with one more baby?"  and "where will we put that baby?" and a lot of "have you heard anything about a baby?"
  • while we have done a great deal of fundraising for the adoption, we will still owe a huge chunk of money at the time of placement... approx. $8k i think??  this is bad news y'all.
  • i realized that i am a people-pleaser.  this shocked the junk out of me because i can't remember the last time i felt like i pleased anyone!  maybe i'm not a people-pleaser... maybe a better description is that i am a pathological approval junkie. (technical term.)  this has been a really fun adventure of a realization... action packed with rage and disappointment, and a dash of realizing my own narcissism!  what fun!
  • harper is still having a hard time staying dry over night.  so, that means two kids in pull-ups at night... even if we are diaper free during the day time.  poor buddy just can't seem to stop peeing more than any other human on earth has ever peed, every single night.  frustrating, exhausting, so much laundry.
  • laundry.  i know i just said it in the last bullet point, but if you saw my basement right now... you would  acknowledge that this should be at least five separate low points.  between the pee and the dirt and the food spills and the drink spills and then all the pee... the laundry is OUT. OF. CONTROL. 
  • managing the house and the kids and our schedule has proved to be considerably more challenging when you are dragging yourself in and out of clinical insanity. (see below for details.)
  • i  have done some relational remodeling, which has been for my overall health and sanity... but, the removal of, and rearranging of, certain people and priorities has been one of the most painful things i have ever endured.  out of respect for my family's privacy, i go into no details... but, believe me when i say that breaking up with your loved ones is one way to ensure that you'll stay in an almost constant state of ugly-crying for some time.  i am back to looking gorgeous when i cry, so do not worry about me.
  • the above has taken a toll on tom and the kids, the extent of which i am not sure i will know.
  • a dear friend lost a beloved niece to cancer, and when her heart broke... mine did too.
  • i continue to struggle with the circular guilt dilemma.  i fail, i feel guilty, i try extra hard, i resent feeling over-extended, i fail, i feel guilty.  
so there you have it...  the receding hairline of my life.  my life is great, and i am not complaining at all... my life IS a bowl of cherries, but there are pits and stems and some pretty bruised places in there and i never wanted to be anything if not honest about it all.   

i guess that's it.  my year in review.  for this next year, as one in my early thirties, i think i am lowering my standards a little.  maybe i will be fabulous next year, but this year, i am just just going to continue the hard work of uprooting sin and sick from my life.  the pits, the stems and the bruises.  i am praying for some healing this year.  and, above everything, that i will love people well and look a little more like Jesus at the end than i did at the beginning.  

i guess that, in itself, is pretty fabulous. 

all things new

it has been a long time since i have had it in me to sit down and blogvent all my deep, dark feelings.  the truth is that i have been in a really bad place.  i am not even going to pretend that i don't have a TON of great things going on in my life.  i mean, i always have a life full of great gifts and blessings, but there are all sorts of new things happening... i will list some of these exciting developments here, because i am selfish and i want the reminder.

  • we are waiting to adopt another baby, which means i am pregnant on paper.
  • i recently started a (soon-to-be-wildly-successful) business with a great friend. (i will tell that story soon enough, but the micro-version is that i pretended to have a business, and to make good on that claim, i actually had to start one.  it just felt like lying otherwise. because it was lying, a little. okay, mostly it was lying.)
  • i am starting a 6 week trial serving with the children's ministry at my church.  this is perfect for me because i looooove my church, i love the people i will be working with, i love kids, i love Jesus, and i love my family... with whom i will get to serve.  *in case you are concerned about me working with children after my confession about all the lying, please understand that i didn't mean to lie, i just got excited and i made good on the claim that i had a business, by starting said business.  so, it was really like a prophesy that had not yet been fulfilled.  so i am less like a liar, and more like a false prophet.  which is still shameful and you are right, i should not work with children.  i will resign immediately. (lie.)
  • we have decided on the dates for the Third Annual Capuano Tour de USA.  the region of the continental US has yet to be determined, but the decision is made and dates are set!  *i was going to hyperlink something to my first and second cross-country road trip... but there are way too many to choose from, so if you don't know what i am talking about and are absolutely DESPERATE to know more, then just go back and read my blog from the beginning.  you won't be sorry, our trips are full of danger, adventure, action, humor, folly aaannnnnd... feats of strength.
so, even with all that great news... things have been rough in other, more personal ways.  it has been a time where i have had to really do some hard work in figuring out who i am vs. who God wants me to be.  and that is never pretty, especially when the raw material being examined is my haggard heart.  i have realized that i have zero boundaries.  well, that is actually completely untrue.  i have some pretty solid boundaries, i just let them be violated by anyone who pushes.  i don't know what happened to me, but somewhere along the road i developed a guilt-complex that has somehow convinced me that i can never say "no" to people.  even when i really want to, or when my boundaries have been completely violated... i just can't hold firm.  i have always been pretty sassy and strong and full of gumption... but when it comes to somebody i love pushing back on a boundary, i cave every time.  ugh.  i'm a total embarrassment of a jellyfish.

this is not just with one person, but several people, it just takes on different forms.  so, it stops here and now. i needed to get to a point where i had been stretched so thin from allowing this to happen in my relationships, that i would get my gumption back.  well, here it is ladies and gentlemen!  i am done.  i have way too many kids to get sucked dry by other people in my life!  i have become so depleted that i feel like i barely have enough of myself to give to my family.  i am so thankful for each relationship in my life, and i am even thankful for the particularly challenging ones... because God has used them to bring the impurities out of my heart, and whenever you see the crap rise to the surface... it doesn't look too pretty, but when the junk is cleared away, what remains is always a purer thing.  and that purer heart is overflowing with many great blessings, namely Jesus and my family.  so, that is where i am starting.  back to the basic middle-school youth group lesson on priorities... God first, family second, everything else comes after that.

i am feeling scared and relieved and guilty for what this "season of redefining" will mean for my current relationships, but i am also feeling excited to allow God to strengthen me and refine me and make me new.  i am looking forward to being on the other end of this season and being able to have normal relationships with people, where i can preserve my boundaries and better protect my time and energy level, so that my best always goes to God first, family second.  and for the first time in a long time, everything else will come after that.

for some time my friend sam has been peer-pressuring me into getting tattoos. again.  her invitation to literally write a reminder where i can see it at all times came at the perfect time.  so, i did it.  i wrote myself a little reminder that this is a new season, and that God requires me to be a new person.  in my own handwriting, in a place i can see it at all times... i wrote myself a little note to remind myself of 2 corinthians 5:17, where God promises that "if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation" where "the old is gone, and the new has come."  one translation says "behold! all things become new!"  that. is. it.

all things new.  

new relationships, new energy level, new boundaries, new hope, new patience, new grace, new discipline, new life.  talk about your makeover... yes. please.





anonymous comments no longer welcome.

I would like to apologize to my blog followers, and regular blog checkers for the comment that somebody anonymously posted on a video of my son.  While I am infuriated at the remark, I am not surprised that the cowardly comment was left anonymously.  I invite anybody who has a question, remark or even a disagreement about the content of my blog to freely leave comments.  HOWEVER, I would expect that comments are left with respect and some sort of maturity.  If not, they will be deleted.  Racial or demeaning remarks are not welcome on my blog.  Unfortunately, I feel that I can no longer allow anonymous users to leave comments.

Additionally, all readers should be made aware that I do my best to maintain some sense of control and reason in my life.  As a mother, I cannot promise that I will maintain either control, or reason, when it comes to nasty, hateful or derogatory comments made toward/about my children.  While I often view it as a responsibility to educate others on racial sensitivity, I feel a much greater responsibility to beat senseless the person who dares to cross my kids.

Thank you and good day.
 

ATATT: Limited photo edition!

After 8 years of marriage to Tom (a second generation hoarder) i have finally made progress in manhandling him into throwing away all extra-short, quadruple-wide sweaters from the early 90's. this sateen jersey, however, was the one item he is unwilling to part with. when asked what his emotional attachment was to the vertical striped, umbro soccer jersey, he replied "it's the real deal." (then he took a moment of silence.)

mystery baby - adoption update

i am happy to report that we are making significant progress with the adoption of baby #5, also known as 'our mistry baby.'  we have submitted all the necessary paperwork, and saved/raised enough money to pay for the next step.  this puts us at the halfway point financially, we still have to come up with approximately $8,000, which is due at the time of placement.  if we cannot raise enough money by that time, we will have to take out a low-interest adoption loan in order to bring our child home.  we paid off our first adoption loan just this past year, so we are really praying that we can raise the funds necessary to avoid another loan repayment.

the next step is completing our home assessment, which will likely take place in the next 1-2 weeks!  this is very exciting because that is are last major step.  after that, we just have a few loose ends (physicals, fingerprints, etc.) to finish up while we are considered a "waiting family."  the length of time that a family will wait varies significantly.  if birthparents choose us right away, and the child has already been born... things can move pretty fast.  if it takes a while for us to be chosen, and the child is not yet born... the wait can be several months, or even years.  we have zero control over how quickly we are chosen (short of photoshopping us into j.c. penny's catologs so our family profile makes us look like we have perfect lives), so we are simply going to trust the lord to bring our family to completion at the perfect time.

since it could go as fast or as slow as one could imagine, i thought i would re-post a blog i wrote a long time  on adoption do's and don'ts, where i address some frequently asked adoption questions.  if this doesn't cover it, the best advice i can give is this:  google it.  or don't.  but whatever you do, please do NOT ask me (or any other mother) these heavy, personal questions right in front of my children!  i know children are short, but typically they can hear.  and my kids, in particular, are brilliant, so they know exactly what you are talking about... even if you don't.

i hope that the re-post serves as a little refresher course on dealing with families who are formed through the beautiful thing that is adoption.  we are so thankful to all of are amazing friends and family (and perfect strangers) who have supported our adoption journey... again.  tom and i are really bad at asking for and receiving help from others, but we have learned a lot about allowing God to bless us through people.  it is amazing and wonderful, and very uncomfortable if i am being honest.  but, we couldn't bring home our mistry baby without help... so, we will continue to scrimp, save and hover above the poverty line, while we accept whatever support you all can spare.  

i hope to have another update very soon! 




Harper's early christmas gift from aunt lexi... He's seriously out of control cute. And tough, as you can see from his hat-wearin' face.

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@laracapuano