breathing into a paper bag and other fundraising excitement

i'm not sure what i expected, exactly, when we decided to try fundraising for this adoption. i couldn't even say what i was hoping for, or expecting, or even what i would have considered failure or success to look like. i just did not expect it to be this hard for me.

as it turns out... i am outrageously bad at this whole process. here are my reasons why:

1) i do not like asking for help.
2) i really do not like asking for money.
3) i hate personal rejection.
4) i can interpret almost anything as personal rejection. (this one may actually be a sickness, but i'll have to look into that further.)

based on these four things... doing a fundraiser is actually my personal nightmare. but, it's a little too late to change my mind, and a little too early to throw in the towel. so... we are selling shirts. and i am not handling it all that well.

i will say that the dress we are selling has had more than 650 views on our etsy site, and so many friends and family members have tried so hard to "spread the word" and elicit some sort of support. (i especially appreciate those that have tried verbally abusing people into purchasing something.) this makes me think that this can't be the worst decision we've ever made... that maybe it will prove to be a really effective fundraiser and we will be able to show our little one a list of every single person who helped us bring him/her home to our family.

until then, i am going to try really hard to meet the following goals:

1) do not live in a perpetual state of fundraiser-related anxiety.
2) trust the Lord to provide all the funds necessary to move forward with the home study, even if it is not through this fundraiser...
3) pray my way out of my personal rejection problem. (see #4 above.)
4) be patient. if more than 650 people looked at the cutest dress that ever lived... some of those people are going to buy it. (note to reader: if you view an item, but don't buy it... the seller may or may not interpret that as personal rejection. the seller is probably going to work on that, but in the meantime, viewer should consider purchasing the adorable dress, this would really help said seller to make some strides in his/her respective recovery.)

so there we are. i am in the stage of listing obstacles and goals. publicly. low point, for sure... but, i have vowed to keep people posted on this adoption journey and, unfortunately, the big update is that i am freaking out a little. that being said, i know that we are doing the right thing. adoption isn't for everyone, i get that, but for a baby who is born to some warrior of a women who loves her child with enough ferocity to give them the best chance at a good life... a family is a pretty basic gift we can offer. i know that despite all my hand-me-a-freakin-paper-bag moments... God is well pleased with our heart's desire to bring home one little baby who needs a family. and knowing that we are pleasing an all-powerful God, i've got to believe He is going to force some people to buy shirts from us.