never in a million years...

parenting has brought so much into my life. being a mom has taught me a lot of lessons, given me so much joy, and at times a lot of heartache. it has also made me aware of how weird we are. not "we" as in the human race. but "we" as in my family. i'm weird, tom is weird. and together, we have some pretty bizarre-o kids. i love that about us, and i really love that about them.

living in a land of little weirdlings has led to some pretty strange conversations. here is a potpourri of some sentences i never imagined would come out of my mouth. many of these came out of my mouth in the past 48 hours.

  1. (gasp) "he painted the baby!"
  2. "you may NOT paint the baby."
  3. "thank you. i like your head too."
  4. "that is not poop in daddy's pits. it's hair."
  5. "please stop putting that in your ear."
  6. "please stop putting that in my ear."
  7. "if you can't think of anything to do then i will throw away all of your toys." (tom has tried to convince me that this threat is unrelated to the problem, but here was my thinking: if you can't find anything to do, then you don't need all these toys that are lying all over my house, and i can just throw them away. that way, you still won't have anything to do but at least my house is clean.
  8. "it's right here." (said in response to harper asking "where's yours brains?")
  9. "i am cooking dinner, you can get your own wedgie like a big boy."
  10. "well... you really don't marry uncles." (said in response to marlie using uncle jonny as a last resort for for a husband. she's four.)
  11. "yes, i promise." (said in response to marlie asking "can i really borrow your blue high heels for my wedding?" again, she's four.)"
  12. "your corn on the cob is NOT a drumstick."
  13. "harper, honey, there was not a fire in your room."
  14. "harper, honey, your buns were not on fire." (both of these fire-related remarks took place this morning.)
  15. "no touch technologies."
  16. "no touch-a 'tiques." (this is me reminding them, in their own language, not to touch the antique tea set sitting on my bookshelf.)
  17. "x is not a drum." (at any given time x can = a laptop, my chest, the fridge, the tray on the baby swing, the baby, etc.)
  18. "no more gremlin crying."
  19. "i am not a granny."
  20. "ok, two is not 'millions and millions.' "
  21. "ummm... i don't know if the birdie has buns."

i could seriously do this for hours. but i can't because i have a lot more weird conversations to have. so i want to know...

what is the weirdest thing you never expected to say out loud?