Falling In Love Before You Should.

Still no news.

Trust me, I know. I am just going to write down the answers to the FAQ's:

No, we haven't heard anything. No, I don't know what that means. Yes, the
birthmom was supposed to be induced today. Yes, that means the baby has
probably been born, or will be very soon. Yes, I am going crazy.

We spent another day of attempted- distraction touring around the city. For
Day 20, we talked about how acts of kindness can be big things (driving to
a huge, strange city, to fetch a child who maybe needs a home) or something
small, like a compliment. We decided to do a day of smallish kindnesses. We
started with holding the door open for strangers, gave change to street
performers an lots of curly hair compliments, offered our seats on the
subway to others, etc. We also put some fare on a metro card and gave it to
a lady who offered us her seat on the subway, and then we tipped a totally
mediocre mariachi performer on the subway.

Nothing was jaw-dropping, but it is nice to see how the kids have come to
expect that our family will look for opportunities to be kind.

We meant to go to Liberty Island to see the Statue of Liberty, and then
Ellis Island...but we accidentally went to Staten Island, which is an
island, but has way less historically significant statues. So, we got soft

Then we went to Time Square, which I have been to before and it remains my
least favorite part of the city. I think I kinda hate it so much. But,
there were some neat things for the kids to see, and some totally
inappropriate things we tried to keep them from seeing.

We had a great time today and saw a lot of great things. But truthfully, I
feel sad. I just wasn't really present today. I really wanted to just enjoy
today because if this adoption is successful, then these are the last days
I have with this family as it is. After this, we will be different. It will
be good, but it will never be like it is now, ever again. So, I want so
much to savor the time we have as a family of six.

But, as much as I wanted that... I couldn't help feeling like a Mama who
wasn't with her son on his birthday. I know he isn't ours yet, and he might
not ever be... but, I don't know how to wait to fall in love until someone
gives the green light. I only know how to fall in love, over time, first
with the idea of someone, then the dream of them, then the possibility,
then the almost... and now, we are so close, and today is probably his
birthday, and I am afraid I am in love before I should be.